When is Enough, Enough?

We visited our uncle one last time before we left for home yesterday. It was about 10 minutes before 8 o'clock and we had to sit around in the waiting room while the nurses switched shifts and filed their reports. As the minute hand slowly made its way to 12, we anxiously entered the ICU to say our goodbyes. My uncle's face was skinnier. His cheeks were sunken in, further accentuated by his high cheek bones. The nurse had taped his eyes shut to prevent them drying out. His lips were still swollen but his hands and feet were slightly less swollen. There had been no changes in his vitals, which meant that he had made no improvements. Through her tears and great anguish, my mother held my uncle's hand and read a prayer for my him, her little brother. She caressed his forehead and swept back his hair, telling him that it's okay to let go, that he doesn't have to fight it. Most people would think to tell a dying person that he should fight, but my mom didn't want her brother to suffer anymore.

One person was noticeably absent from the room--my uncle's wife. Where could she be on a Sunday morning? Wouldn't she want to be by his side every moment that she can? The nurse, named Bali, asked us if the wife worked, since she was seldom in the room with my uncle. Bali told us that when my uncle's wife dropped him off at the ER, barely able to hold himself up, she left him afterwards. All alone. Her thirteen year old daughter even went to a dance competition while her dad was in the ICU. And now in his weakest, darkest moment, she was not there for him. If you knew that your spouse, the parent of your children, had a great chance of dying, wouldn't you want to be there by his side, holding his hand, giving him words of encouragement and love, cherishing every second you can with him? When is enough, enough? An hour? Two hours? How do you judge someone based on how much time they spend with their dying spouse? So what if my uncle is heavily sedated and can't respond to my aunt. So what if watching him lay there is too painful to watch. So what if she gets headaches and feels like she wants to faint. Grab a chair and sit down! Everything that my uncle has done was to take care of his wife and kids, and to know that his wife can't even muster up the strength to be there by his side makes me so incensed.