Lessons From My Father

My dad is a man of few words. Consequently, we didn't talk much when I was a child. For instance, he tried teaching me math in elementary school and would flick my ear when I got the wrong answer. He spanked me for not finishing my oatmeal in first grade (and I hated oatmeal for the longest time until I tried the flavored packets). Instead of giving praises for doing well in school, he gave me sniffs, aka Vietnamese kisses, on the forehead. He just didn't know how to relate to my sisters and me. But as we grew older, we made more of an effort to talk to him and our relationship improved. This Father's Day is the second time that I'm missing out on spending time with the family. Being apart from my dad gave me a chance to think about the lessons that I have learned from him:

Live simply. Like every adult in my family, my dad came to the US during the Vietnam War with nothing. He worked hard to provide for our family, not to have a lavish lifestyle, but to have the minimum necessities to live comfortably. He finds happiness in the relationships he has with his family and friends, his packs of cigarettes and strong VN coffee. Other than those things, he doesn't care much for anything else. He insists on driving the same car until it breaks down and can't be repaired, he doesn't care if he eats the same food everyday for an entire week, he wears the same jeans and sweater all the time even though my sisters and I occasionally buy him new clothes, and he never complains about anything unless it's related to his daughters' choice in men.

Zone out my mom. My mom is the one person who can drive me crazy with her nagging. If I can practice patience with her, I can overcome road rage, being hangry, and sloppy drunks who spill their drinks on me. My dad has perfected the art of zoning out my mom, but beyond that, he is a calm person who encourages my sisters and me to slow down with whatever we're doing, concentrate on the present, and not get impatient with people or when we don't get our way.

Urinate outdoors. My dad enjoys spending time in his garden, soaking in the sun, watering his plants, watching the neighbors with his binoculars, and gazing at the mountains and skies. He particularly likes to urinate in the backyard, even though my mom constantly yells at him. I suppose he does so because that's how much he loves nature--it's his weird way of being one with it. My dad has helped me grow to appreciate nature and its beauty. One of my favorite childhood memories is of our family wading our feet in a river in Sequoia. Nature has always provided the perfect backdrop for our family trips.

Be kind. My dad used to own a dry cleaner (you're not a real Asian until you own a dry cleaner or liquor store), and I remember him befriending and feeding a bum who he let hang out in the back of the store. That's the type of person my father is--he feels for people who have tough lives, and he'll try to help them with what little he has to offer, even if it's just companionship. Sometimes it's easier to treat a stranger with indifference, but my dad is able to treat strangers with dignity and be kind to them.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. Sorry I haven't moved back home yet.