Last night right after I went to bed, I began to hear a strange noise. It kind of sounded like someone was searching through a plastic bag. My bedroom is next to the kitchen but the noise sounded too close to be coming from outside. So I listened harder...yep, it was coming from inside my room.
As I made my way to the light switch, I thought about the mouse that my friends found in their apartment. Oh please don't let it be a mouse! I turned on the switch, looked down, and there was a giant ass 2-inch brown cockroach crawling by the plastic grocery bag laying by the door. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! There's a fuckin' cockroach in my room! I took the closest thing to me, a folder, and swept it out of my room into the kitchen.
I ran to my roomie's bedroom and screamed, "There's a fuckin' cockroach in my room! Please kill it!" Of course, being a guy that he is, thought I was crazy for freakin' out about an insect. He smashed it with his flip flops.
I couldn't go back to sleep for awhile. All these thoughts ran through my mind. What if there are other cockroaches? What if they have eggs and they're all going to hatch in my room? Damn, I sleep next to the kitchen, where they're probably having a feast right now. I need to clean up the open boxes of food out there. Damn you roomies for leaving crap out! I need to block the opening under my door everyday now. What if they crawl on me when I sleep? Even worse...they crawl in my mouth. I need to sleep with my mouth closed. Is it true that everyone eats a certain number of bugs in their lifetime when they're asleep? I hate cockroaches!
1 comment:
You are a nut case. I can't believe you used to work at vector control. I will give you that it is gross- but freaking out because a roach might crawl in your mouth?! That only happens in movies! Unless you are so stinky the roach thinks you are dead- then you're food!!
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